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Wolfie goes to the doctor.

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  #1  
Old 02-28-2011
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Default Wolfie goes to the doctor.

(Written for a couple family friendly sites...I finally hit up the doctor this morning).

So...Last Thursday, I started feeling like a whole pile of crap.

I ate some tylenol, and that got me through work, but man was I ever glad to be done! 280Z (my bro) and I modified some pizza with a crapload of extra cheese and ate it. Upon which, I prettymuch decided that it was time to couch myself and sleep. Fever of 102.

The next morning, I really felt like a real...not big (since I am also not big) pile of poopie.

Fever, chills, coughing up green crap (for all that green crap, I think I inhaled an alien at some point), and the distinct suspicion that I'd been run over by something big and heavy since my joints and back were killing me. I made these feelings very clear to everyone by announcing the following facts several times, "I don't feel good. I want a dog."

This went on for a long time, until today (Monday) actually, when I called in sick to work, and my boss didn't even recognize my voice. The fever stuck around for over three days. It was time to go to the doctor.

Going to the doctor is one of my MOST HATED things EVER.

So I called in, and they promptly set an appointment at 9am. By the time my call had gotten through to them, it was 8:14am...and it takes me about 25 minutes to get to town. I was still in my pajamas and not showered yet. That means I had something like 16 minutes to get ready.

That's kinda hard to do when you can barely process the idea of showering, let alone perform the actions necessary to said act of showering. What did I do next? I prettymuch stood there for two of my precious minutes and looked at the shower (stupidly) before realizing that it needed turning on.

Somehow, I wasn't late.

Upon arrival, I registered myself, and that went without issue until I gave a pathetic little cough. Not a coughing fit mind you, just one small cough. I don't even know that it counted as a cough, since I was mostly just clearing my throat.

Said registering lady's eyes got the size of saucers, and she whipped out of her chair like a spaceship to go find a mask. I swear, I almost saw the word "ZOOM" appear in her dust trail. "Based on your symptoms, we need you to wear this!" Man...I felt bad enough already, but this was like getting kicked out to the doghouse.

I put that thing on, and everyone in the entire waiting room collectively stared, and shrunk back into their chairs like I had some deadly highly spreadable plague. When I sat down along one wall, some lady moved from her spot about five chairs down, to the other side of the room. I didn't know whether to feel bad for myself, or actually apologize to her for her feeling like she needed to move. All I was, was just a little sick...Really!

Every person that entered the room in the next ten minutes reacted much in the same way, and sat across the room with horrified stares. Mind you, I wasn't really lonely for a chat, as I am not exactly a social creature, but I don't like drawing that kind of attention to myself.

I never coughed again while in the waiting area. Meanwhile, another lady behind the desk was hacking painfully every 35 seconds. She had no mask. I resented her.

The hateful mask was also an adult size, and I am mostly small sized, so the more I breathed on it, the more the papery folds started to unfold, making the stupid thing bigger and bigger. Soon it covered my entire face from the bottoms of my lower eyelids to the base of my neck. I got all short of breath too, in addition to being short of stature, and short on cash.

About the time I figured that I should cover my entire face with the mask, my name was called. Somehow, I had it figured that covering my entire face (including my eyes) would display the stupidity of the entire situation. Why on earth should I wear one of those forsaken things for clearing my throat when Ms. Hacksalot behind the desk didn't have to?

Really...I hate every part of going to the doctor.

I wandered on back into the labyrinth of examination rooms, nearly stumbling behind the nurse because said nurse was some sort of ex-BBall player. "Dude, You have to slow down. My legs are short, and I can't breathe with this mask on."

"DON'T TAKE THAT OFF!"

Holy chastising batman! The look that accompanied those words hit me probably twice as hard as she could've back in her days as a champ. The hike continued on in silence, people parting like the Red Sea as we (I) approached.

"Take your coat off so we can get your weight."

I did so, but began shivering immediately. Then she was pissed because I wasn't holding still on the scale and the numbers were kinda jumping around. She took my blood pressure, got all pale, and then asked how I was still walking. I guess it was kindof low. I asked how low it was, but she was already out the door and threw an sortof not really understandable answer back at me.

Good times.

I waited about ten more minutes before the actual doctor showed up, in which I fell asleep in the chair. The doctor was obsessed with "the drinking questions." I think she was trying to trick me into saying I was an alcoholic or something, because we went through the set at least 3 times. Finally, she declared that I had influenza, and ordered a test to be sure.

Needle right? Draw some blood, get it in a vial and send it off to the lab, right?

Nope, she whipped out a 5" long q-tip, and announced, "This is going to hurt your eye."

"WHAT!?! You are NOT going to poke me in the eye with that!"

"It's going in your nose. It'll make your eye hurt."

"You're going to poke me in the eye, through my nose!?"

Understand folks, it does not take 5" of anything to get inside my nose, also, my eye is a LONG ways up there if you take the route through my nose, and I wasn't cool with anything going that far up my nose.

She did it. That wicked broad shoved that q-tip all the way up my nose and stabbed me in the eye with it hard enough to make me cry (only out of that eye).

She sent it off to the lab and I napped for 45 minutes on the exam table thing while I waited to hear back on the results.

My eye still feels funny.

I don't have influenza, and I still hate doctors.

(I am, however very very grateful for what they do, and how well some of them do it!).
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  #2  
Old 02-28-2011
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Crap. That sucks balls. I've been used to the drill though.

I was born 3 months early and with multiple birth defects. I have cerebral palsy and scolosis and all that junk. After 25 something surgeries to fix all the crap that's wrong with me i just got used to the poking and junk. I still have an immense fear for needles. Flu shots i can take but i can't stand IV's and plan on never giving blood.

Doctors suck. No doubt. But if it wasn't for one doctor that ordered my mom to be flown to a different hospital, i wouldn't be here. hahaha I can laugh about it now, but i owe a bunch of those guys my life.


One nice thing is i have a bulletproof immune system. I haven't had been majorly sick in years.
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  #3  
Old 02-28-2011
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I've been sick since Friday. Lots of green/yellow goop running out of my nose or being hacked up and I've just generally been "out of it" for the past few days. And every time I bend over my head feels like it's goign to explode. Yeah sinus infections!

I just keep taking day/night-quil and ibuprofen. My usual rule is if it is worse after 2 weeks I'll go to the doc.
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  #4  
Old 02-28-2011
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I hate doctors... so I don't get sick.
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  #5  
Old 03-01-2011
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Easier said than done OCR...
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  #6  
Old 03-02-2011
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^^^^^^^^^^^^

??
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Old 03-02-2011
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I think she meant CW?

It's interesting waking up with a voice that makes me sound like a big angry black man. But after a shower, hacking up a bunch of green stuff and a cup of coffee it levels out a little more.
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  #8  
Old 03-02-2011
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Yea...I meant CW.

I swear they didn't give me any narcs...
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Old 03-03-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DirtylilWolfess View Post
Yea...I meant CW.

I swear they didn't give me any narcs...
She now has another Bill and is to poor to pay attention!
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  #10  
Old 03-04-2011
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I'm destined to be broke.

That was kinda funny though BA
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  #11  
Old 03-05-2011
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BEST. STORY. EVER. DO YOU HAVE TIME TO TELL IT AGAIN ? ? ? ? ?

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Old 03-06-2011
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You have a new best friend, been a while since you got a guy all testied up!
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Old 03-06-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue avenger View Post
You have a new best friend, been a while since you got a guy all testied up!
He even made Power and I a video!
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Old 03-06-2011
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should I watch it or is it a waste of time where I could be watching water drip from the roof instead?
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Old 03-06-2011
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It's short.
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Old 03-06-2011
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so is my attention span.
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Old 03-06-2011
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And what video is this?
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  #18  
Old 03-06-2011
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on the out running the law thread. lame attempt!! I would have been better off watching water drip off the roof!
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Old 03-06-2011
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Wolfenstein here is what I do when I get sick. (I usually dont because I am so awesome) Anyway the first day I usually drink a lot of brandy or whatever really cheap whiskey I can get my hands on. This ends up making me feel considerably worse for a while but then I hit the meds really hard thera flu, niquil, stuff like that. Then I hammer down vitamin C like its going out of style and just like that I am better. Ok hope things are working out.
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Old 03-07-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Baller View Post
Wolfenstein here is what I do when I get sick. (I usually dont because I am so awesome) Anyway the first day I usually drink a lot of brandy or whatever really cheap whiskey I can get my hands on. This ends up making me feel considerably worse for a while but then I hit the meds really hard thera flu, niquil, stuff like that. Then I hammer down vitamin C like its going out of style and just like that I am better. Ok hope things are working out.
and this only take me one week!

Just quite kissing girls, they gots germs!!!
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  #21  
Old 03-07-2011
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Wolfie needs some of this!
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  #22  
Old 03-07-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Baller View Post
Wolfenstein here is what I do when I get sick. (I usually dont because I am so awesome) Anyway the first day I usually drink a lot of brandy or whatever really cheap whiskey I can get my hands on. This ends up making me feel considerably worse for a while but then I hit the meds really hard thera flu, niquil, stuff like that. Then I hammer down vitamin C like its going out of style and just like that I am better. Ok hope things are working out.
Baller, you are a genius. Your remedy works even days after the first signs of getting sick.

I drank myself into a deep state of healing about the second after I read this post, and had similar results. I felt worse at first, but a few hours later, I realized that the booze had killed the gremlins that were trying to infest my lungs. The uncontrolled coughing is now gone, despite inhaling a crapload of welding smoke and purple power cleaner mist today at work.

I'm still tired, and little weak, but I feel pretty damn good!

I think Charlie Sheen would be overkill when it comes to the curing of a wicked case of the flu??
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  #23  
Old 03-07-2011
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Last time I tried the whisky remedy I woke up with a mild hangover and 3/4 of my bottle of jack was gone. Maybe try 2 will work better tonight.
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